1. How Similar and yet Totally Different my Own Experience was from my Friend’s Pregnancies.

There are some pregnancy symptoms that totally seem to unite all women and then there are other weird aches and pains that you alone will experience and your girlfriend will never go through. I experienced extreme fatigue during my first trimester that never seemed to hit some of my other friends. But then at the same time I never felt that nausea and morning sickness like most other women during that time. 

I was surprised by how anxious I was to have my growing bump look exactly like the other women I knew at a similar stage in their pregnancy. Once you start searching the hashtags that correspond to the number of weeks pregnant you are, you know you have fallen into a deep dark hole of comparison! My body and my bump looked very different from the other pregnant women with which I compared myself. I only started looking pregnant in my third trimester- something that totally terrified and kinda annoyed me. 

When I got on the bus, I wanted men to stand up to give me a seat. No one even remotely moved from their seat until I hit week 28. I wanted some physical manifestation of the change I felt happening within inside me and it stressed me out to no end that other women had cute little bumps when I had basically a bloated stomach. 

Now I that I am in week 35, I have the big bump and I am so glad I did not have it for all those weeks prior. I am just a small person and my frame is now struggling to support that growing little girl. Let’s just say the grass always looks greener on the other side and I wish I had just stayed focus on how every woman’s body is so different.

2. How Much Support and Help I would Receive From Mothers.

I think one of the most shocking things I learned during my pregnancy is that there is a secret club of mothers that love and support one another with so much gusto it would blow you away. I never knew or even suspected that this secret club existed before I got pregnant. Then, once I got pregnant, my mom friends sent me pregnancy books, tips for what they found had worked to help with nausea, sleeping through the night and suggestions about where to buy the best maternity jeans. 

When I drowned in the overwhelming landscape of baby equipment, completely clueless about what I actually needed and what the heck a breast pump was- they called and sent lists of their baby must haves.  They have facebook groups where they share their own experiences and help other women going through similar problems. They reached out to me with suggestions for doctors and exercises when I mentioned that I had horrible round ligament pain. 

My mom friends called and checked in on me constantly. I had never even known to do this for my pregnant friends before I got pregnant. Basically I learned that I had been a terrible friend to my pregnant and new mom friends. You just don’t know how to support other mothers until this secret club of incredible women shows you how. 

3. That I felt so Different During Each Trimester

I was shocked when I felt how each trimester was actually a very different experience than the last. Every book I read talked about how the first and third trimesters can usually be the most difficult for most women and how the second trimester is almost a joy. The first trimester I was totally overcome by an overwhelming exhaustion. I could nap from 2-5 pm, just knocked out cold, and then fall asleep -totally exhausted- again at 9pm. At that point I would sleep through the night until like 7 am. That is some serious exhaustion! I have never experienced anything like that in my entire life. I know it makes sense because during that time my body was using all its energy to grow the placenta and this little human. 

But then week 12 ended and I started the second trimester. Suddenly all that exhaustion totally disappeared! It was like a switch had flipped. I had a completely renewed sense of energy and even felt pretty good. Most days I could totally forget that I was pregnant. It was totally amazing. I worked out with my same pre-pregnancy energy and actually became a productive member of society. Just like all the books suggested – this trimester was easily the most enjoyable. 

Then week 27 rolled around and suddenly the end was in sight. Since I am still in the midst of the third trimester there are still a lot of things I have not experienced yet, but let’s be honest at 35 weeks this little nugget is pretty well cooked. She’ll be here in a matter of weeks! 

Every book will tell you that in the third trimester you are just plain uncomfortable. This has totally been my experience. Moving around is just harder. My little bump is no longer so little and my back is struggling to hold up this little girl. The third trimester insomnia definitely hits and there are nights where I feel exhausted but cannot seem to fall back to asleep. The exhaustion has returned but in a very different way. It’s just more tiring to move around and by the end of the day I am totally wiped out. 

I also am totally overwhelmed by the desire to meet and hold her. I thought I would be much more scared about the whole labor process as I got closer to its actual date but instead I can not wait to do whatever it takes to get her out and have the doctor lay her on my chest. 

4. How little Control I Have and how God is very, very Real.  

I think one of the strangest parts of this whole process is that I really do very little to help her grow. Everyday I wake up and God has done something pretty miraculous to knit her together and prepare her for her birth. Obviously I have to attend doctor’s appointments, eat properly, and avoid the usual risk factors but besides just listening and responding to my body, I have not done much to help her grow and to bring her into this world. 

The whole journey is just incredible- for lack of a better, stronger, word. I am not really sure how you could walk through a pregnancy and not believe that there is a God who gives us all life. It’s such a gift to be allowed to be the carrier of this little growing girl. 

I also am very aware that God gives and takes away life. To even be pregnant is a miracle in and of itself which I do not for a minute understand or take for granted. 

5. That the “Nesting” Instinct is Very Strong. 

Once the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, I felt totally overcome by the need to find a home and a safe space for this little love. Before we had just been somewhat casually looking for homes, but once I found out I was pregnant finding a home felt essential in a way it had not before. 

As the pregnancy has gone on, the urge to decorate and finalize her nursery has reached an all-time high. My husband always jokes that if I had deadline that was three weeks from now, I would have the assignment done tomorrow. I just like everything to get done early in case something happens and I run out of time. So, even though I technically have 5 weeks to go, I want the nursery finalized tomorrow. It’s pretty close to being finished but you better believe I will sleep a million times better once every piece is in its perfect place. 

6. How Attached I Would Become to her Little Kicks and Life. 

Before I got pregnant, I never really understood why women so deeply mourned the loss of a pregnancy. I never thought the connection would feel that strong until the baby was actually born and in your arms. I have been totally shocked to feel how closely connected I feel to her little movements and life. Even though she is not here yet, she already feels very real and very present to me. 

One of the most interesting changes I have noticed is that I almost cannot emotionally handle hearing stories about women struggling to get pregnant or miscarrying. When one of my friends went into labor at 32 weeks I literally could not stop crying, I was so afraid she would lose the baby she had carried for so long. The same thing happens when women share that they have been waiting on God to give them a viable pregnancy. It just hits me so much harder now. 

7. That Not Drinking for 9 Months is not a Big Deal… (Unless you spend one of those months in Italy). 

So -first things first- I like my glass of wine. Getting a good cocktail at a bar in the city is one of my very favorite things to do with my husband. I have never been one of those people that has easily been able to give up alcohol- I just enjoy the taste and the experience a little too much. The other day I was trying to think through what I would consider my “hobbies” and literally one of the first things I thought of was grabbing a drink with a friend or Matt at a swanky bar in the city. When you consider trying out new bars in the city as one of your “hobbies,” there is some reason to be slightly concerned about how you be filling your time during this season of life called pregnancy. 

I thought the whole not drinking for nine months would be totally miserable. And in some ways there are moments where it was a bummer, but for the majority of the time it is not a big deal at all. I found that there was just too many things going on with my body to even want to have a drink. Once I started feeling her move around a bunch, it felt much more real and I did not care that I could not have a glass of wine. The time also feels like it goes pretty fast! In a few weeks she will be here and this whole season will be over. It just all flies by. 

The only time that the not drinking thing was kinda a bummer was that first month I found out I was pregnant and we were living in Florence. Wine is served like water in Italy so that was easily the hardest part. I also could have used a glass of wine to take the edge off during the holidays but-  other than that – not a big deal at all.