Oh, dating. What a roller coaster! My almost 26 years of dating experience, certainly do not make me an expert but I have learned some things (often the hard way). The following are things that I have learned:
1) Trust your gut.
Easier said than done. But I think the majority of us, almost immediately know when we have an uneasy feeling about someone. So much time can be saved from just trusting those initial feelings.
2) Ask questions about your own deal breakers early.
Do you have some specific things you know you want in your potential partner? Make sure to ask those questions early on before getting too emotionally involved. I always ask whether the other person has ever been married, because I know that, for me, that is something I have chosen as a “deal breaker.” These deal breakers are very personal. But its important to recognize them and be upfront about them early on, out of respect for yourself and the other person.
3) Say thank you.
Guys definitely have it worse in the area of dating. I am really thankful that I am not a guy here. It must be so scary to constantly have to put yourself out there and ask girls out on dates, all the while possibly setting yourself up for rejection. Always, always be gracious and kind. Never embarrass him or make him feel like he is “creepy” for asking you out. Err on the side of being too kind. Honest and straight forward but gracious. No matter what the date is, (unless there has been like zero effort put into it) say thank you for what he planned for you. Humility is key. You are not too good to say thank you.
4) Use your time wisely.
If you clearly know that this is not going anywhere long term (marriage) then kindly let him know that. Even if you think that its leaning more towards not being marriage potential, then your time is too precious to settle just because something is familiar. “Above all else guard your heart…” One way we can do this is by protecting our time.
5) Give him space to pursue you.
One of the major benefits of being a woman is that we get to respond to a man’s pursuit. But that means that HE is the one doing the pursuing. Let him figure out how to talk to you. Let him plan dates. Give him space to call you. Settle into the truth that God is ultimately in control of every aspect of your life. Let God move his heart and if it does not happen, then there is a reason and it is good. But once he does pursue you, respond to it if you are interested.
6) Be honest.
We are all adults here, right? Do not just start ignoring his phone calls. Do not try to lightly “phase him out.” We are called to sometimes have uncomfortable, honest straightforward conversations. KINDLY, graciously and HUMBLY tell him that you are not interested, if that is the case. I think men end up respecting that way more than all of a sudden having zero clue why you are no longer responding. A really good sign of maturity is whether he handles not getting what he may want at that moment well. And if he does not, then that’s a great growing experience. No need to tip toe around truth.
7) Involve others.
Mentors are so good here. Seek out their wisdom. My mentor, Sarah, has been able to open my eyes to things I was totally blind to in the realm of dating. My family has also been so wise and helpful, even when it sometimes did not feel great…! Other people can help alert you to unhealthy situations or encourage you in your relationship with that person. Mentors who know you really well can tell you when your emotions are not based on truth and help you love the other person better.
8) Pray.
Pray for discernment and guidance. Pray for God to guide and protect your heart. Pray that God would be continually preparing your heart for your husband and pray for your husband. Pray for the person you are dating and that you would be able to serve and love him well. Pray continuously. The heart is a funny thing, and God so uniquely equips our hearts for a certain person and not others. Pray with thankfulness when you are head over heels in love, because those emotions are such a good gift from Him.
Love this one!!!